The here and now

Nov 2, 2014 by

I am standing in the middle of a giant gymnasium. The blue walls that surround me stretching high above to reach the flourescent lit ceiling. In front of me stands my physiotherapist. I do not know what he looks like because his face is a blur of all the physiotherapists I have had in the past year. On one side of me mirrors cover the walls,  while the rest of the room is covered with large blue mats and the blue cubes often used for rehabilitation.

My physiotherapist is telling me that I can not walk. He is backing away from me. I try to I tell him that I can, but he is too far to hear me now, so I shout,  ‘I can run!’  With one quick movement I lift my once heavy, paralyzed leg off the floor and spring into the air. My entire body shoots up, as my other leg does the same movement and comes swinging in place. The perfect combination for running. My body is now weightless as I bound around the room. I have become as light as air. My body and soul are overflowing with emotion as I continue to run around and around the gym. Soon I am high above the heads of all those who watch me. Heel,ball, toe, push-off and lift leg. It is all coming so naturally I am sure it is real. I can feel the muscles in my deadened limb as strong as they once were. I am dreaming a wonderful dream so real I can taste it. I love this dream.

I don’t want it to end, yet I am being brutally ripped away as my bodies natural alarm clock tells me it is time to wake up. I open my eyes and quickly squeeze them shut again, hoping I can have just one more minute back in my old skin.

Just one more minute to do all of those things I can no longer do.

My efforts are useless. I pull myself up and go to wake my children.

As we sit at the breakfast table my mind drifts back to my dream. It is only the second time I have had a dream like this. I look at my children who are discussing Halloween. My beautiful sweet daughter almost 9 years-old, her full mane of chestnut colored hair pulled back in a ponytail speaks animately as she  turns her hazel eyes toward her brother. My attention is now on my 6 year-old son with his ink black hair, his beautiful eyes hiding underneath his long thick eyelashes.

He quickly notices my attention and asks if he can have his Halloween candy for breakfast.

I look at my children and smile. They are laughing as they happily chat about their first trick or treating experience. Their small faces radiate with serenity and happiness. I leave my dream safely tucked away as I enjoy these two small people in front of me.

I think about how lucky I am to be here, right now.

Here and now.

Here and now.

To be part of this.

To have them. To have my husband. To have my friends as well as the kindness of those I do not know.

And I am so grateful..because deep down I know these are the things that matter in life.

The here and now.

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1 Comment

  1. Sandy

    Beautiful photo of you and your son, Cassidy. May each day bring you and your family happiness. Daily prayers are always sent your way.

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