Metamorphosis

Jan 17, 2015 by

Metamorphosis – Noun,.3. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.

Feeling great and grateful.

Dressed in black leggings and an over sized off white cashmere sweater, I am sitting comfortably on the warm hardwood floor of my Milanese apartment. I turn my attention to the task before me: going through the children’s ski clothes to figure out what fits who, who fits what. I start to divide the shiny techno gear by color. Anything hot pink from my daughter is immediately put into a pile that will be given away. My 6 year-old son refuses to wear anything pink or purple. Everything else stays. A lifetime of ski clothing ready for my son to start wearing them.

I am almost finished when at the bottom of the drawer when I find a black thermal ski set for women. A long sleeve black turtle neck and black stretch pants both with a single white line running down the sides of the arms and legs. The ultimate Thermocare for wonder woman on skis. Like my ski equipment these things are new, with only a couple of days on each of them.
I gather the pile I have separated of my children and quietly put them away. I leave my things in their place, carefully folded and untouched. I won’t be doing any downhill skiing this year..
I interrupt my thoughts bringing myself back to the here and now.

I breath in deeply through my nose and let the air slowly come out again.

I close my eyes letting the peace that surrounds me cover my entire being, the warmth of it dripping over my soul keeps me fixed in place.

Never in my life have I been so at peace with myself, with everyone and everything around me. I have never felt so serene in my entire life.

And yet. How can that be.?

I can barely walk 10 meters, my left leg remains paralyzed from the knee down.

How can I be so at peace?

Death came knocking at my door and for some unknown miracle I was left here.
I am here. To live,love,laugh and appreciate all that I have. To watch my children grow, to continue to grow internally and generally be a better version of my old self.

The best part is – it comes so naturally I can’t help it. I have fallen into love with life, sucked into a long deep spiral of positivity and happiness – I have never felt better.
I glance down at the James Bond gear that lays before me. A long sigh comes from somewhere deep inside of me. I won’t be downhill skiing this year. However it is impossible to feel sad about the things I can not do, because I know they are nothing in comparison to what I have gained.

No matter how hard my last year has been, no matter how heart breaking, painful, shitty, agonizing, disappointing, humbling, stressful, triumphant..

I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING..
BECAUSE IF I DID IT WOULD MEAN I WOULD NOT BE THE SAME PERSON I AM TODAY.

And I love the person I am today, even with a few temporary malfunctions,.

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4 Comments

  1. Mark Gorham

    Cassidy,

    Thought of you today. I am in contact with your Mom quite often. I want to tell you I have been watching you from afar. On this site and through what your Mom shares. You are blessing others more than you realize. Share my love to your beautiful family.

    Warmest Regards,
    Mark

  2. Sandy

    Cassidy, you look wonderful and sound positively loving life. I was pleased to read your post today. I hope you and your family had a beautiful Christmas. My husband and I are visiting Italy in October. I can hardly wait.

  3. andrea

    :)hi

  4. MANU

    you are a wonderful woman!!!
    xxx
    Manu

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