Cement wall

Jun 11, 2014 by

before

my daughter and I last year..

So much has gone on in my life in the past 9 months, it often seems like it just never stops..

Discharged from the hospital for less than 24 hours, I decide I need to tell my daughter that she and her brother will be changing schools next year. Her beloved English school where she has been since pre-school, has become to difficult for me to drive her too, too difficult for me to follow, to difficult for me be part of her life.

Too difficult for the amount of expenses we have had this year and the dramatic economic situation Italy is currently living.

A never-ending year.

I call my daughter into the room while I stare through the beautiful flowers on my table, the past 9 months flash by in my thoughts. Aneurism, hospitals, surgeries, months and months of rehabilitation only to have more surgery, and more hospital.

My daughter walks into the room. “what is it mommy?” her big brown eyes searching mine. “darling, I have to talk to you about something important..” I start.

I explain to my daughter how much I miss coming to pick her and her brother up from school, how much I miss being part of their lives. I tell her how much easier things would be if her school was closer to home. I do not get to finish my sentence, she understands immediately. She is crying and yelling, I don’t want to change schools! I try to hug her and hold her close to me, but she pushes me away and continues to cry. She is crying oceans of tears. She is crying 9 months of bottled up heaviness in her heart. I want to cry with her. I want to tell her I know how she feels, that I also wish nothing in our lives would have ever changed.

I too, wish we could have our lives back,

just the way they were..

Finally, I am able to hold her in my arms tight. I soothe her while whispering into her ear how everything is going to be all right, I remind her of all that we have, and how much life will be better once she is closer.

I feel her thin body relax in my arms,

and I know that’s it’s up to me to make our lives as peaceful as they were before..

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